28 March 2009
Suddenly, posted.
Been quite upset nowadays, what I've thought in my mind trying to put into use, but in the end did nothing. Sometimes, felt that life is quite miserable. Take friendship for example, how do you define friends? Friends who care and share, sit down and think of how to overcome problems with you and not laughing along with others who makes you feel terribly upset. These are what a friend should possess. So, those who do not have these are not my friends?
Meanwhile, I've had enough. Enough of all the nonsense. Enough of being the fake me. I can't change myself, because I've been in the fake me for so long, changing it is very hard. Perhaps when school first starts, I should start changing.
How do people look at me? How come others could chat so happily with each other and not me? Why can't I be like them? I felt so left out, so lonely.
Thirdly, I can't stand any longer. I got to put a stop into people mocking me. Its kind of like bullying. It got so out of hand till they climbed over my head and started to use physical abuse. I think I've set my pride too high for them to climb, must lower it. But, I just couldn't understand at all. If I am physically stronger, I felt I could do much more things better. If I could get more talkative with nice words flowing out of my mouth, everybody could get along so well. Sigh... Is this depression? What should I do?
Realised, from so long ago, I've not been what I always think I am. I thought I was popular, but I was not. I thought I was tougher, but I was not. I thought I could get so good with people around, but I was not. What am I going to do to make a great and good change about it? Seriously, its time for hard thinking. I've got to work on it.
Lastly, read so many people blogs' posts, have many amazing things.
So many people, so many lives. So wonderful.
Their lives full of fun. Perhaps i need some inspiration. Need to put some thoughts. Going to have a massive change in my life, of which I have to change my personality, character and everything? and hmmm. Thinking, thinking, thinking...
Stressed
Stressed
Stressed
Stressed
Stressed!
-Hiroyuki- 9:34:00 PM
