I'm very scared. Because prelims and 'O' levels are coming! Haha.

I wish I've got more discipline to go do hard studying. I'm so tempted by my TV and laptop! oh my god -.-
and also, though I'm okay with my tests all that, but its like open book test! If only I could memorise all of that and bring to exam, then it'll be all good!

Haha. So happy, because I've learnt a song today again! It's the first song in my playlist. Where's the playlist? Scroll down of my blog and you'll see it at the left column of my blog's page. Plan to play that on Graduation Night for someone special. Haha! What am I thinking?! LOL. Hmm... Having mixed feelings for a very long time already, firstly is because I don't know how that person feels, and I'm not courage-able to express it out how I feel. That person may think its wrong, but, when is the big 'L' word wrong? Secondly, because of my kind of neutral (maybe more on bad?) reputation in school, people may shake heads. Sigh... When can I prove? When can I get to be a much better person?

People have been making enemies with me. When can these people wake up? Isn't it better to love than hate a person? Not in that sense of THAT love, but universal love? Isn't being nice and friendly to everyone a good thing? I'm stronger in every sense than them. How can they compare with me?

I suddenly remembered what my mother said to me, "when you be nice to those who treated you badly, they will feel regretful for their past actions, and may apologise to you and ask for forgiveness, or be nice to you back". Many adults think so too (the reason why is because most of them said that to me), but I don't think this is very true. People are so different in this generation. Sometimes, I feel that those people are kind of bastards... Because of they have done... Don't they have good family and brought up in a good environment? But gosh, though what they have done is so wrong, they still have got many friends being with them and supporting them. Are they blind?

Okay.. Now I'm speaking on my experience since I brought this up. This guy, his friends never thought before that, HE have done something bad on me, and HE thinks its so right for him to do it. Till now, that person still have not apologised for what HE have done on me. Did HE forgotten it, or am I remembering it so clearly that I can't forget it? I'm just being friendly to him, and done him no harm. But why is HE so worked up? Is it right to do harm physically on me when I've done nothing on you? Oh wow. I really take my hat off you, because you could escape so easily, leaving me a scar while your dear friends don't know about it but even if they know, they would congratulate you. Of course how I wish these people be damned. Some who are Christians who even called themselves one, don't even fit to be one.

I bet people who read this will think that I'm weak. Well. What will be the consequence be if I take revenge and do 10 times the damage to him, will I be any better than him? I'll leave his punishment up for someone of higher authority and stand to deal with him, and this someone is no other than his God, my God, or your God. I'll look forward for the day, when retribution comes, and HE will not be able to take it, but I'll never forget that you have left my right ear ringing. I can't forgive you, because you have not asked for forgiveness.

I'm very angry, of the fact that people are blinded by "wildness and fun". People these days like wacky guys, and somehow approved them of their doings. They are afraid to go against them, just because these clever wacky guys got a hold of them in some ways? Though they are fun to be with, but if you can't catch up with them, or get "abused" then, best is to leave them before you're going to do something serious on them which will going to affect you after on, so find another pool of friends. Its much better doing that, you'll feel happier than ever before.

I don't like it when some people says something bad about another person and continue condemning him. Its like, "He's human, so are you. Just that he did a mistake, that you won't give him a chance of redemption to prove himself just like any other ordinary being." So what if a person stole for that once? He never do it again because he knows that it is wrong, but why are you still condemning him? He didn't even do anything negative to you, don't he deserve a chance to be free? What if you are the person who do something wrong, and everyone go against you? Its not a nice feeling. To be more exact, its terrible. You won't know how he feels, but its something like being very down, if you can imagine how is it like to be down. It also reflects the person that you are, who is not forgiving and nice. The friends that you have probably don't see that, but what I see in you, is that you're no different from the person committing a crime or doing a mistake of his life. If you think I have no rights in talking sense that you don't accept it because of your mentality of thinking that I'm talking absolute rubbish or whatever, its fine. I don't blame people for having an abnormal mentality or inexperienced in this. Go consult your parents. See what will they say.

Sigh. Why being myself is kind of tough? Why do some people get so well with others more? Is it because of character? Well, its not that I need them to live.. But you DO need to face them to live. Anyway, I rely on myself to live, not the people.

I'll just carry on and live my own life, and don't care what others think of me. I'm going to stand strong and never fall, from whatever criticism people have on me. Because I know that I'm one of a kind.

I'm going to seriously strengthen myself. Though I feel like crushing the people I hated and resented the most like crushing ants, but I don't have the strength to do that. Perhaps thats the reason why I've seeked Vampirism and other sorts of Dark force for strength during Secondary 2. And people, you read this and have been calling me whatever, stop calling me a Vampire. Because I'm not one, anymore. Its not even funny to joke about it. Anyway I'm just playing around for tasting blood. Tsk. Playful me. And I'm sorry, for doing something really, really terrible during Sec 2 to her. SORRY! Haha. Just hope you'll live days with smiles and happiness, while I'm standing far looking at you with smiles on your face without you knowing it and continue to wish that you'll live everyday like that.


Oh well... I'm talking stuff only I could understand. If someone is that understandable and could understand how I feel, this person is definitely not ordinary. Haha.

On the mean time, I'm continuing to build up my body, so that no one will call me fat. Aiyo, and please hor, though I have tummy fats, but look at my arms and chest. They are not fat but have muscles LOL. I'll continue to build lah, so yeah yeah! LOL gonna burn those fats!

Tomorrow will be a better day!